Falling Apart
Well, this is kind of like I’m falling apart.
The ringing ears, quick breath, nosebleeds, and dark,
Rapid thoughts of things I won’t remember,
When I lift my head from resting on my arms.
I’m afraid the flashing’s turning bad.
There’s larger gaps between the tracks through my head.
It’s taking longer for me to recover,
Soon I won’t have strength to bring myself back.
I still sing, I drink, I fuck.
But all this sleep takes a life of it’s own.
It happens when I least suspect
And it leaves me with people and things I don’t know.
I stumble back thinking I won’t forget,
But I can’t explain the memories I’m left with,
So I sink and it’s black, I’m completely detached,
So I drift and accept I’m stuck waiting for it to stop.
Stop. Waiting for it to….
Bloody Mouth
So, so, so, so quickly wore all your senses out
with your angry voice and your bleeding mouth.
You can’t pretend it’s nothing now with a broken hand and a pain that shouts.
I think you’re forgetting how it sounds
when you’re coughing words through your bloody mouth.
You said “it’s not over, not while I’m around”
but you’re a mess with your bleeding mouth.
And your mind is sour. Your intentions foul,
But your heart beats loud. It almost knocks you out.
And you can’t stand this wait/weight. The hours pass like days,
And those scenes replay in the worst possible way.
With my swollen hands I’ve been slowing down.
With my damaged lungs and my bleeding mouth.
I said “well I don’t know why and I don’t know how
I’ve been carried through, yeah, I’m in this now”
And these infant moments, they keep me around
while I’m sinking slow through this muddy ground.
And all those things I was afraid to ask somehow
just seem so pointless pouring from this bloody mouth.
And my mind is sour. My intentions foul,
But my heart beats loud. It almost knocks me out.
And I can’t stand this wait/weight. The hours pass like days,
And those scenes replay in the worst possible way.
And this is something new. It doesn’t bare any truth.
It just pretends to move while we keep struggling through.
And I can hardly stand nothing’s gone like I planned,
With a bloody mouth and hands that wont come clean again…no
One More Hour
One more hour
One more hour and then I'm gone
You pains have deadened my thoughts
A repeating of what's gone wrong
No delusions
None at all about what's next
A suffocating nothingness
A gripping void and nothing less
Calmness Constant
I’d swear it, but I think I’d forget.
In that light it’s very easy to impress.
You’ve held up for hours without rest,
And kept me held with the heat of your breath.
Grinning….I think this will turn out bad.
We’re not pleased, gratified or content.
So forget because it’ll be over in a minute,
And the strain is too much on my wallet.
You said “It’s off. I wanna go”.
I said “I’m shocked. I didn’t know”.
You said “I thought we’d be alone”.
But we were not and now the timing is wrong.
I’m wearing some bad repairs on my chest,
But I don’t think it’ll have any effect,
As it’s pushed against the inside of my head.
And their voices stopped……and listened.
Don’t expect that everything will turn out bad.
It’s no crime and nothing links you to it.
So relax and make calmness constant.
And don’t think about any impressions you left.
Because then it’s off. You’ll want to go.
And if I’m shocked it wouldn’t show.
You’ll say “I thought we were alone”
But we were not and now the timing is wrong.
Westering
Hastings, we took your shortcut
Midwest worries left behind
Oxen dragging a palace
Westering with light like it's alive
And I wonder
When this will end
Because they're dying
And I'm freezing
And I will
Are you from California?
Or an angel sent from on high?
My mangled mother laughing,
"A shortcut's a long way out of life"
And I wonder
When this will end
Because I'm dying
And you're freezing
I can't move now
Go without me
I will wait for you
If I can
Yes I will
Repeat it
You’ve got a lot to say.
Yeah, so much you want to say.
It’s easy, but you don’t want to repeat it.
You got along so great.
Looked like it was so great.
It’s the leaving, and you don’t want to repeat it.
It’s something I know,
You thought would never end or come to be the same.
You’re cheating and you don’t want to repeat it.
You said it so many times, so many times alone.
You just can’t repeat it.
Say it so many times, so many times alone.
You just can’t repeat it.
Played it so many times, say it so many times alone.
You just wont repeat it.
Do it so many times, sing it so many times alone.
You will not repeat it.
I Don’t Die
I cross my fingers and hope that I don’t die,
But these remainders they poke holes in my eyes.
So that costs money. That costs something better spent elsewhere.
So listen, keep pace and pretend that you don’t care.
But if so, you said that some things are better left alone.
Yeah, and I know because those ideas come and go.
We’re alone just as long as we can stay alone,
But if it shows then we can’t stop so let it go.
I cross my fingers and hope that I don’t die,
But stranger than us happens all the time.
So nothing stands out. Nothing out of the ordinary.
So, pieces I’ve got have to fit. There’s nothing missing.
But if so, you said that some things are better left alone.
Yeah, and I know because those ideas come and go.
We’re alone just as long as we can stay alone,
But if it shows then we can’t stop so let it go
Safe
Every morning breaks after I wake. I’m spent. I’m lazy.
I still can’t shake the weight of days and days of hardly sleeping.
Through headaches I think the noise could make a trail of boredom.
So I pull the blankets back over my face.
So now you’ll breathe and sleep, prepare the week to limp through doorways.
And believe relief will treat it’s needs with rest and long days.
And is it worth the strain to hope you’ll be ok?
Will the blankets over the floor keep you safe?
Hannah
You are
So light
Not what I expected
I should lie
To you
And say there's no rejection
He whistles like Lennon, yeah
His voice sounds like retirement, yeah, yeah
This parting prediction, yeah
It'll make you sad
It'll make you sad
It'll make you sad
Hannah, you're small for now, forever
Because that's the way they made you
And there is nothing I can do for you
Hannah, your nothing is filling this room
A mist that only you can see
And I don't trust your silhouette
You are
So light
Not what I expected
I should lie
To you
And say there's no rejection
He whistles like Lennon, yeah
His voice sounds like retirement, yeah, yeah
This parting prediction, yeah
It'll make you sad
It'll make you sad
It'll make you sad
Shallow Grave
[There are no set lyrics for this song. These lyrics were ad-libbed,
made up on the spot. Free association.]
I wait here patiently
So green goes from all to red
I fall down on my knees
Play with the leaves like they were dead
I dig a shallow grave
Just deep enough so I can fit you in
Leaving out your soul
That's all I need from you in the end
So I'm leaving what I wanna try
Because I'm alright
Yeah I'm alright
I'm alright
This is not what I had in mind
So I will leave
And let you run right on by
Hope you don't see me
As I gather up and leave nothing
Taking this old stream
It leads me home in the end
I know this is not the way to go
So I'm lonely
Yeah I'm lonely
And it's my own fault
If I don't see you again
But I'll try so
Yeah I'll try so
I will try so hard
